This close to the end. Why am I not more excited?
I know I haven’t written much. Partly it’s been OPSEC (operational security), partly it’s my ability to vent personally via phone, email, and IM. Really though, it’s been an uneventful deployment. As far as my battery goes, it’s been 1 IED discovered, 1 IED detonation, and a ton of unverified reports. At my level, you really never see the big picture. My news of what’s happening in Anbar and greater Iraq comes from the Stars and Stripes (a newspaper for servicemembers) and news on the internet. I’d be almost clueless otherwise.
But still, this close to the end, and I’m numb. Going through the motions: wake up, work, eat, sleep. Knowing I’ll be home in a few weeks doesn’t excite me like it should.
Maybe it’s just a slow week, a down period.
I’m wondering how it will be like when I get back? I think I’ll need to take things slow…not try to do everything at once and catch up without being able to handle things.
I’ve thought about this often: have I changed during this activation, while the world’s stood still? Or has the world changed, while I’ve stayed constant? I believe now I’ve just traveled on a separate path that’s diverged from what I’ve known–and putting myself back in that world will take some adjusting.
I just hope that adjustment won’t be too jarring or painful.
Hope this numbness will pass. Do what needs to be done here–finish up strong.